Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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