i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Actions speak louder than pants.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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