Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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