Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
