you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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