is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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