I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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