i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
