im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
