I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
