xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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