And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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