You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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