all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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