We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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