Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
