hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
