I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
