He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
