He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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