Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
