Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
