Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
