haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
