I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
3 2 1 whiskey
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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