what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
