I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
