is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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