this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
