Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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