youre lurking in front of me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
