I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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