It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
