I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
