im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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