She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
