This girl is more easily done than said...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize