and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
