I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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