: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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