im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
