No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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