If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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