Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
how drunk are you?
Several
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
