every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
