I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
