Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
