why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
