talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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