are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
