explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
