Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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