he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
