watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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