Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
