sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize