I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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