If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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