Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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