Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
