um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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