So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
