I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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