i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
