dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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