12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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