A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
