we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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