I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
