I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
