I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize