One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
