He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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