So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
