if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my poor anus
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
