I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
