sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
