dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
