dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
