Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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