Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
