do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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