What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
