What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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