new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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