i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
