I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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