She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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