I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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