Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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