Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
