That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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