I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
