i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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